living in the present

I can't believe it's already November 10th! I swear I start every new blog post with "I can't believe" because it's always been so long since I last updated haha. Time is constantly flying by. Halloween was a blast this year even if I almost lost my mind making Liam's spider costume. Fall took some time making up it's mind on whether it really wanted to commit to arriving yet, but after a few chilly days in a row, I think the transition has happened. I'm not complaining about how nice it's been outside during the day, but the nights do get quite cold.

It's always nice to look through a group of photos as one (like the collage above) and see just how much has been going on, even when it feels like nothing is happening. Photos of Panda enjoying the sun in the backyard, going bowling with Liam, trick or treating, taking a morning walk to coffee, Liam trying his best to wait patiently for his parents to crawl out of bed on a Sunday morning...or just David and I taking a good ol' fashioned selfie together. ♥ It's easy to overlook what is happening in the present and only see how sweet those moments were when you look back at the photos haphazardly taken throughout a busy day.

Living in the present is almost an art form. Something that needs to be practiced. I know that personally I can become so entrapped in what I'm not doing, or not getting done, that I completely ignore the small accomplishments that are happening all around me. Life is a long, long staircase which happens one step at a time. Most days I find myself focusing only on the very top of the staircase landing, when what I should be doing is taking a closer look at the steps I have taken that get myself where I am today. That's the problem with living in a world that is so dominantly portrayed through social media. We don't see the stairs, just the top of the staircase. We don't see how hard it was to climb up, we just see the end results. When I share these photos, it's easy to only see how happy we are, or how cute Liam is, but you don't see the arguments, the tears, the doubt. You don't see the struggles. You don't see the hugs that happen, not because we are happy, but because we need to be comforted so that we can feel happy.

That's not to say that we don't have those amazing moments. The genuine laughs. The hugs and kisses. The romantic gestures, and quiet nights. But it takes reminding. It takes constant work to glance back at where we are, and how lucky we are, and to smile at how great life is, even when it's hard.

So here's to living in the present. In taking the time to feel good about where you are at...right now.  Here's to recognizing how far you have come, and the great things that will be happening in your future. Because even if you can't see them, I know that those moments are there. I believe that they are.

What are some things I'm excited about now? The little things that I can make into really big things?

Well, I'm excited that I just started with my 3rd Invisalign tray! I'm excited that next weekend we are taking a big step in our home renovation and knocking through a wall. I'm excited for the trips we are going to be taking in the near future. I'm excited about seeing David when he gets home from work. It's a good feeling, to be excited, to choose to be happy. ♥ Sending lots of love out to all of you!

Invisalign : 1st vlog update!

Hey guys! So I finally went ahead and got Invisalign! So far it's been kinda up and down. I was lucky enough to never really need braces as a child and my teeth have always been relatively straight, or have appeared to be pretty straight my whole life. With that being said, I do have some crooked teeth that have bothered me for a long time. I've been considering correcting my teeth for the past 5 years and this year I decided to make it happen! The way I see it, why not? I can have the super straight teeth I've always wanted by the time I'm 32. I don't want to wait until I'm 40 and wish I had done it a decade ago. Since the process of straightening teeth is a visual one, I thought this would be the perfect time to start adding a few video blog entries, or "vlogs", as the inter web  calls them. Here is my first go at it! I'm already feeling pretty self conscious about posting this because you see me talk, and move, and this is far more "real life" me than any photo I've posted thus far. Hopefully you like it! I even decided to get super real with you guys and show you what I look like at 6 A.M. (spoiler alert...it isn't pleasant! sorry to scare you. Happy Halloween?? lol) Okay so without any more babbling...here's my first video!!
**I just want to say that I don't know what any of the proper names for my teeth are, so if "bottom canine" is wrong...oops! I dunno **

this not that - baby stuff

Having a baby = having baby stuff. You know what I'm talking about! Strollers, diapers, car seats, cribs, carriers...the list goes on and on. It can be very overwhelming when all you want is to have the very best stuff that will make parenting effortless (ha ha ha!)...not to mention conveniently priced and adorably trendy. (I'm still not sure anything that fits into both categories really exists...sorry!)

When it came to parenting you could say David and I were practically helpless. We knew they needed to eat and poop and sleep...and that was about it. We had little to zero experience with how to take care of any of those needs. Also, we had very little understanding of what equipment we would need and/or how to use any of it! We had our work cut out for us. So as many parents-to-be, we found ourselves making a glorious impractical baby registry. Some items on our wish list turned out to be great, while others were utterly useless. Some items we thought we would love because everyone on Amazon said it was the best! Or because I spent too much time on Pinterest, which some of you, including myself, refer to as "fantasy land dot com". The truth is, you gotta test out the water and see what your adorable life sucker- er, I mean..babyyyy, needs most. What exactly fits your parenting style..whatever whatever!  So anyway, I was thinking about those books "This not That" and came up with the idea to do a blog post about baby products I feel are superior to others. Yeah, I'm getting all judgey wudgy today. Let's get started!

** remember, this is a personal preference...what works for me may not work for you **

1. BABY CARRIER vs STROLLER

I had to have my fancy stroller...the one with he click in car seat. It was going to be awesome! There was one big problem though...turns out Liam hated his car seat! AND STROLLER. It wasn't until like 3 months ago that he wanted anything to do with it. How ironic...when they finally kinda like it, they can totally walk and so of course they only want to spend 3 minutes max in their strollers before they are saying "momma stuck! get down!" What saved me? Months and months of baby carriers. I had both a  wrap and a carrier like the one above (thanks Megan!!)...those carriers saved us. Why? Because babies spend the majority of their lives growing inside their mothers. (captain obvious over here) They enjoy the sensation of being tightly wrapped, listening to the sound of their mothers voice and heartbeat through her chest, and just being close. Liam hung out with me that way for a long time...and even to this day, when he gets sick, I throw him in the wrap because my arms are totally weak sauce. 

2. COVERED SPOONS vs STUPID PLASTIC LIGHT SPOONS

This is a discovery I just made like 3 days ago! I remember my sister having the spoons on the left. "safety spoons". Ummm these things are awesome! Ever since I saw Liam using one of these spoons at a friends house, he has barely made a mess and actually loves using his utensils. I think the plastic spoons on the right are fine actually, but I feel like they are too light and it makes it hard for little kiddos to feel out the weight of the spoon (like the ones we use) and so its harder for them to hold it steady. I used to give Liam adult sized spoons, and it worked better, but the spoon part was too big for his mouth. I don't know why I didn't think of using these sooner...and YES I got them in those pretty pastel colors because who cares!

3. DIAPER BIN (diaper genie) vs TRASHCAN

This was another product that it took me awhile to figure out. We started off using cloth diapers with Liam, but living in an apartment makes it extra hard to clean all those stinky, stinky diapers when you are sharing some ancient washer and dryer with 2 other apartments. It was really annoying to find soaking wet diapers sitting on top of the drier because someone else wanted to use it. #rude! I know people make this work, but I got lazy and I won't apologize for it (sorry Liam). We switched to disposables and soon enough, the house started to smell like pewp. The small trash can in Liam's nursery did not hold up...and so we went ahead and purchased a diaper pail that traps those stinkers in until it's full and you can dump it all easy peasy. I have to say, this thing keeps my house smelling a LOT better. I guess it's not totally necessary, but it make my life easier and that's why its' on the list m'kay? **Also, I'm pretty sure we got one of these at our baby shower and totally returned it...ding dongs!**

4. PLASTIC BIBS vs CLOTH BIBS

This is another recent discovery. I've been using and losing cloth bibs for months now. Yes they can come in adorable patterns, or have the face of an owl, but they get GROSS. My son eats like cookie monster (I'm not joking, ask anyone who knows him), and these things just get all sticky and then they get devoured by some cloth bib eating monster that lives in my house. The other day I saw this super spiffy plastic bibs at Target and they are amazing! Not only do they have velcro at the bottom so you can let all the discarded food turds loose before washing, you can actually hand wash them in the sink and they will be dry in like 15 mins...maybe 13. I'm gonna be extra excited about this and say 8 1/2 minutes! I love them. Plus, the bib monster doesn't like them, so it's all good.

5. INDESTRUCTIBLES vs BOARD BOOKS

Ok guys, confession time, I don't actually OWN any indestructible books but I do own a lot of chewed up and partially eaten board books. It's a shame, when you give a baby who is under 1yr a beautiful book and they are like "I'm not going to enjoy the visual stimulus this book has to offer me...I'm just going to eat it because I'm angry that it isn't a boob" <-TRUTH GUYS. You can't give babies anything of value...because it all goes in their mouths. My friend Dominique has one of these indestructible books and they really are perfect for little kids. You cannot destroy them! I've tried..and believe me, I am very raccoon like when it comes to opening things (ask David)...these books are awesome. If I ever have another baby, I will have these in my bag fer sure.

6. KIMONO ONESIES vs PULL OVER ONESIES

Newborns are adorable and I know it's really hard to resist the cutest little outfits to put them in, or again...maybe I'm just a lazy person, but I found out pretty fast that adorable outfits look far less adorable when they are covered in school bus yellow liquid poo. So the hospital provided us with a few "kimono" style shirts for Liam. Okay maybe they didn't provide them...I might have just "taken" them...away...with us...like, when we left the hospital...along with all of the bathroom soaps and ice pads. Anyway, these little shirts were awesome because it was SO easy to get Liam in and out of outfits fast, especially when he made downtown messes. You can get these in organic material and they are just so cozy and cute and...yeah...I like them. 

7. ROCK N' PLAY CHAIR vs GIGANTIC SWING MONSTER

Remember that time earlier in this post when I talked about "recommendations"...somehow everyone is saying that baby swings are amaaazing...but Liam begs to differ. He thought his swing was a torture device. He maybe liked it for 1 week and then his brain turned on and eyes opened up and he was like "NOPE!".  I thought this swing was going to be spectacular and spread peace and joy throughout our home. It made the sound of wales and could swing him in multiple directions...plus he could look at himself! Because his eyesight was so good at 5 days old! On Father's Day we were invited to a friends house for a BBQ and they had the rock n' play chair out for us to use if we needed to set our babies down and go cry in a room by ourselves. Liam really liked it and guess what? It was only $45!...that is a lot less money than the swing that now resides in a box it didn't come in down in the basement. P.S. it will be for sale at our garage sale coming up in a few weeks...P.P.S. this was the worst sales pitch ever.

8. BASSINET vs CRIB

This one really is a personal preference that completely goes with your parenting style. David and I tried to sleep train Liam in his crib (which you know if you read this blog), but it didn't work for us and soon we became a co-sleeping family. But before we started using his crib, we did have a little sleepy pouch, called a "cuddle cove" (that's the real name...go talk to Graco about it) and I put Liam down it that next to our bed for the first 3 months until he eventually outgrew it. I wish I had listened to my Grandma when she asked what kind of bassinet I was getting. Of course I just laughed and rolled my dum dum eyes telling her that people don't use bassinets anymore. HA...actually cribs are dumb and the more I think about it...cribs don't make sense. Well at least not for our family. Liam began sharing our bed around 4 months old up until around 22 months when we moved him onto his own big bed. You can read about that post HERE! Anyway, if I could go back in time I would totally buy a bassinet for him. Overall I'm happy that we are a bed sharing co-sleeping family, but I think the transition into his own space would have been easier if he had his own space close to us and didn't need to get the boot suddenly. So yeah, bassinets for the win!

9. DIAPER BAG vs PURSE AND/OR NOTHING!

Maybe I was one of those srsly ill prepared parents who thought "pffft! I don't need that clearly useful thing!"...oh boy was I wrong. I think diaper bags have a certain stigma attached to them, and we all know that Dads can be pretty picky about what "baby purse" they wanna be dragging around the park with them. David was particularly picking about this one...which was sort of surprising! He kept finding these boring black diaper bags that just looked like a big old sack of sadness. Now I didn't want a diaper bag that looked like it came out of the princess isle at toys-r-us either, so it was a few months before we stumbled upon the perfect bag for us (as seen above). It's been great because now I can have everything I need, personal and baby related, in one big bag and it's been a game changer.

10. FLEXIBLE vs CONTROLLING OVERTIME CRAZYTOWN MADNESS

Okay, here's the last thing I want to say in this post...something that every parent should think of getting before having a baby...and that is some Flexibility. You are not going to be able to control every action that your baby makes, every melt down, or mess...it happens because that's what babies do! (very well!) Figuring out what is going to help keep you as calm as possible while living in chaos town is ultimately going to be the best solution. Find a great parent group, go take some classes with your little one, or find things that you like doing that you can also do with your little one without freaking out. Also, know what you simply cannot get done with a baby in tow. Find time to be alone and do things you love to do. And above all, remember that you this is a learning process...you don't just wake up and suddenly become the best mom ever...you are evolving into who you are as a mother, and as a woman. Change can be very stressful...but it's the one thing that allows you to become the kind of parent, and person you want to be. ♥

X♥O

Christine

What happened in June!

Time for a photo update! I decided just to pull a bunch of photos from my phone from the month of June...easy peasy! I also wanted to say that in a few days (3 to be exact) i'll be celebrating another birthday...the big 31. I thought that maybe it would be cool to start a 52 week project on youtube...just for fun. Who knows, I'll probably just ditch the project almost as soon as I started it because that seems to be the only thing I'm good at sticking to...not following through. I hardly ever update this blog, only like 1x a month. I hope that'll change. There are lots of things I'm hoping for at the moment, but for now...let's just look at some pictures and a funny little video from snapchat.

X♥O

Christine

miscarriage

Six weeks ago I had a miscarriage. I found out I was pregnant very early and was just about 5 1/2 weeks along when I realized something was wrong. I was told the bleeding could just be the pregnancy settling in, but I had a gut feeling that it was my body letting go of a baby that would never be. As the days went on, and it became overwhelmingly clear that this pregnancy was ending, the only comfort I found was in knowing that my body was doing the right thing for me. The truth is that my pregnancy probably started to unravel almost as soon as it was conceived.

I know that this is very personal, and that maybe it seems strange that I would be sharing it over the internet. But believe me, I have a good reason for deciding to share. Throughout the miscarriage, the one thought that kept running through my mind over and over was

Why don't people talk about this? Why do I feel so alone?

Let me just say that I am not looking for sympathy or attention. I had support. Friends that knew, family that listened while I cried, and my amazing midwife who talked me through all of the many emotions I was experiencing. This pregnancy had barely begun before it ended...and I couldn't help but think of all the women out there who were, and have, and are currently experiencing a miscarriage at any stage of their pregnancy. I applaud the mothers who are brave enough to share their stories, and respect the mothers that choose to heal on their own. I understand that talking about painful things isn't easy, and while for some it can be liberating, others only find themselves re-living a unfortunate time in their journey into motherhood.

So here I am, trying to put myself back together, searching for strength within myself because I know it's there. I know my body is looking out for me, and I am grateful for that security. At the same time I can't stop myself from wondering why...and just wishing it never happened. Maybe if I hadn't taken that pregnancy test so early I would have missed the miscarriage all together and simply blamed it on a late period. 

I remember my midwife saying to me, "we like to think that we are in control of our bodies, but we are only our analytical mind...this, what is happening to you, this IS you..." 

It's true that I was able to connect and find a deeper understanding of how amazing my body was during my pregnancy with Liam. How it knows what to do, it knows how to build a life and to bring it into the world...and it also knows when something isn't right...and I guess the best thing I can do is to trust that process. That has been a huge factor that has guided me through this experience.

I need to love my family, love my friends, love all of my supporters. I need to keep moving forward. There is no other direction.

I guess I just wanted to say to anyone who has or will be faced with the loss of a pregnancy...that you are not alone. That this happens...a lot, actually. We shouldn't have to feel alone. I don't want you to feel alone. I really want to move forward, and I believe that writing this out, telling others how I'm feeling, maybe even people who don't know me...helps. It helps because in order to move on I really need to let go. Surrender. Not give up.

I'm not giving up.

how to get your baby to sleep longer

It seems we live in a time where we want to make everything as easy as possible. We need instant gratification and we are constantly googling how to get it. Believe me, I've been there. I'm looking for answers via the internet and it only gets me so far when it comes to parenting.

A few months ago, I believe it was back in February, I wrote a post about moving Liam into his own room with his own bed. Almost 3 months later and I have to say that it was the right choice made at the right time. Liam is finally sleeping 8 hours and even waking up on his own and walking to his door to give me the secret signal "i'm awake" by jiggling his bedroom door handle. Ok it's not a secret, he's just trying to escape and go downstairs to play with his choo-choo. That being said there are still nights where he wakes up at 2 a.m. and comes into our bed to sleep with us. I feel good about how things have unfolded. I think the message I have been giving Liam is that we are alway here for him, and just because he is sleeping in his own room, and even though that is really awesome and we are really proud of him being in his own space, he still knows that he is welcome to be with us anytime he needs.

So how did we get to this point? What's the big secret? There is no secret...what we've learned is you just have to follow your baby's lead. Be supportive and don't worry that you are taking a step in the right or wrong direction. Your baby will sleep longer, when they are ready, when their bodies are ready. That's just my opinion.

I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, "oh wow...great advice, Christine".

I know, I know. And I would be lying to you if I said this was an easy transition and that I didn't have my doubts and concerns. I most definitely did.

I don't believe there is a surefire"way" to get your baby to sleep longer without a lot of work and dedication, and sometimes heartbreak. Although many books, and people for that matter, will tell you that you need to "train" your child to sleep...I think the right word is guide. We guide our children through life. We support them and allow them to take chances, do something different, and know that we are there for them. It's also important to take cues from yourself. If you are feeling overwhelmed or know that you need space, that's okay too! That's what happened to me. I needed space! We tried several different sleeping solutions, all of which Liam stayed in our bed or in our room, and yet every time we tried to climb into bed, in our room, it felt something like this:

And like clockwork, between 11-12 a.m., Liam would wake up...and it seemed like he did this as soon as our heads hit the pillows. That sense of relaxation was rudely interrupted by our crying son. I started to wonder if Liam was waking up because we were the ones waking him up. Now who is being rude?! I think one of the reasons the crib in our room didn't work was because no matter what, if we made any noise, he heard us. Plus he never really ever slept in his crib...so rolling around and hitting the bars was a great way to wake him up...awesome.

So then the idea came about getting Liam a similar mattress to ours, obviously smaller, and placing it into his bedroom. Everything would feel similar and if we needed to join him, we could. Or if he needed to come back to our room, he could. The first few nights were shaky. He was still waking up around midnight and I started to doubt our genius plan. One of us would go in and check on him, usually David, and it felt like we were back to square one. Then something wonderful happened...

Liam woke up...and went back to sleep on his own! That started happening more and more until he didn't wake up at all! Then about 8 weeks later, I woke up to Liam fussing, took a look at the clock and noticed that it was 5 a.m. What!? Liam slept for 8 hours! I went in and scooped him up, brought him to our bed to nurse and sleep a little longer. This became our routine for the next week or so, until the next big change...not only was Liam sleeping 8 hrs, but he was waking up at 5 a.m., calmly getting out of bed, and going over to his bedroom door. I could hear that he was trying to open it, and so I met him at the door and wished him a good morning. He jumped up into my arms and it finally felt like we made it! This is what I've been waiting for! 

Like I said in the beginning, there have been a few nights where he still wakes up around 2 a.m. and that's ok. There are so many big changes happening, his vocabulary and communication is really accelerating, so I believe that has a lot to do with it.

So yea, there you go...what I've learned about trying to get baby to sleep is just to follow their lead. Sleep when they sleep, be there for them, and everything will be fine. I promise.

♥

I have a 2 year old

When did this happen? Where did 2014 go? I feel like it took forever for Liam to turn 1 while turning 2 happened in a blink of an eye. So here I am, the mother of a 2 year old. I have to say, it is an exciting time. Liam is doing and saying new things almost every day. I am amazed at how much has changed in just the last month alone. I feel pretty bad that I haven't been updating the blog as much as I had hoped to but I guess I'm just not that good at keeping up with things like this.

Anyway, Liam has been talking a lot and just soaking up every bit of knowledge he can. He is more interested in his surroundings, reaching out to connect (literally grabbing my hand and leading me all over the place). Its beautiful to watch and even more spectacular to be a part of.

I know I need to get my act together with archiving all of the photos I have been taking. Does anyone else feel like they have wayyyy too many photos on their phones, like more than then know what to do with? I'm trying to make more photo books using Artifact Uprising.

Here's an example I did with all of my pregnancy photos with Liam. They are all from Instagram. I just didn't want to lose them! Plus it makes for a cute little book don't you think?

So yeah, I really need to get my photo situation together. I really have a lot coming up and I'm hoping I'll remember to share it on here. Not the biggest blog update, but it's a start :)

Welcome Ratties!

Last Wednesday I adopted three sweet rattie boys and I am so glad I did! It's been years since I've had  pet rats. I used to have six girls back in the day and always knew that one day I wanted to have rats again. They make such great pets and are a real pleasure to have in your life. Because rats are so intelligent, curious, and very loving, they can find their way into the hearts of even the most grossed out humans they come across. 

I remember when I just had my first two girls, Penelope and Tank. While at Towson I was rooming with a sweet girl from Queens and she was not too thrilled when my furry guest arrived. I promised her I would only let them out when I was alone so she wouldn't have to worry about a surprise scare when she came home from classes. You see, my dorm mate was terrified of rats. She was generally creeped out by them but because we got along so well, and she was just such a nice person, she let me keep them at school. As the months passed, she became more and more curious about the rats. She would ask me about their tails, and what they ate, and was pretty impressed by how sweet they were...contrary to the images most un-rat friendly folks tend to picture when thinking of a rat.

The more she got to know the rats, the less she was afraid of them, and before you know it she had Tank riding around on her shoulder in the dorm. This made me so happy! When I moved into my first apartment with two of my closest girlfriends, I would show off the rats anytime we had a party. I wanted people to know that they were great! Seeing people come in feeling nervous and weary of touching them, to walking around the apartment showing them off to the rest of our guests was just awesome. 

So two weeks ago when I discovered there were three boys that had been at the shelter for almost 8 months, I felt like it was meant to be that I bring them home and give them a happy and comfortable life with some humans they could get to know and love. Just how we feel hesitant to get to know rats, these rats were hesitant to get to know humans. But in just 1 week from bringing them home, I have them running up to the front of the cage, eating good foods, having treats, climbing around on top of their cage, and coming up and licking my hands and sniffing my face. I am overjoyed with how far they've come in such a short amount of time. They have inspired me to talk about how much I love rats and so I am trying to make some YouTube videos that will go over basic care and just how to trust train your rats.

I look forward to what the next few months brings for these sweet sweet boys! I'll be keeping you posted! 

Time will pass anyway

Yesterday I had one of those days where I felt really accomplished. I got almost all of the much needed housework done, I was feeling pretty good about my life, and I felt like things were looking up and that maybe this was the day where my outlook on life would change forever. I could do anything, I would be happy no matter what, nothing could get me down.

But my mind doesn't stay that way for too long. I start to worry about what I'm doing. I start overthinking every detail of my life. I start becoming anxious about what I haven't done or what I'm doing wrong. I guess you could call me normal. I think for people like me, mainly type A control freaks, it becomes the norm to overthink instead of overlook. You turn 30 and you think you're just around the corner from 40. You get one thing right and next thing you know all you can see are the things you haven't gotten right. It's kind of exhausting.

I truly believe that living in the moment is hard to do while looking back on the past can seem effortless. I have to remind myself almost every day that these are the years, minutes, seconds that count. Being a stay at home momma can feel somewhat boring, but I know i'll look back on these years and see just how precious they really were. It's hard to see how much you are accomplishing when you don't get a raise, or get an employee of the month badge...or whatever it is. Ya know what I'm sayin'

I dunno...maybe it's just winter that's keeping me down. Maybe I need to see the flowers and trees come to life and feel the sun on my face. I don't like going out in the cold. I don't like it at all. But I want to like things better than I am liking them now, and I want to take this opportunity to reinvent myself. I want so many things, but most of all I want to be free of the worry that I will never accomplish anything. That I will feel old and alone and watch others surpass me with their creativity and fantastic outlooks on life.

I guess i just wanted to write this down and get it out of my head. Because maybe there are others out there that need to know that feeling this way isn't abnormal. I think it's really normal. I think that if others could say they felt the same way, then we'd all feel better. Instead of getting on the internet and seeing only the best of the best, we can find out that we are all feeling kinda bleh together and maybe, just maybe, that'll give us something to pull us through the icky days.

I don't want to give up on my dreams. I don't want to feel like my life means nothing. I want to find a way back to the Christine I knew very well, and this is just one step I'm taking in the hopes of getting there.

Love to you all ♥

Transitioning to sleeping alone || week 1

Last Thursday we got Liam's new bed all set up and talked about how awesome it was that he finally had his own big boy bed to sleep in. He jumped all over the mattress and pointed out all the pillows. He brought books over and we read. I tried to make sure we spent a good amount of time in his room so that Liam would understand that his bedroom is a fun, safe place for him to be in.

So how did this week go? Honestly, it felt very similar to him sleeping in our bed. The good news is that he spent every night in his bed, but the bad news is that so did we! There were nights that seemed better than others but as the week progressed it seemed like Liam's nighttime wakings became more and more frequent (not to mention closer together).  It also didn't help that as the nights went by, I could tell that Liam was beginning to get sick. Last night he had a fever and I never got a chance to change out of my clothes and into my pjs before joining him for the night...fun! I will say that apart from last night (which was crazy difficult), I've noticed that I am having more difficulty falling asleep without Liam next to me. I didn't really expect this reaction. I find myself just laying in bed, waiting to hear him cry for me...then I start having conversations with myself like,

"shhhh! your thoughts will wake him up and you don't want that, right? right. oh man...I wonder if he knows i'm thinking about him? no, that's crazy!....this is crazy, I should be asleep right now...*hears Liam start to cry*...crap! I knew he could hear my thoughts"

Yeah it's been weird, but not to worry because we have a new game plan for next week! We have decided that in order to help Liam sleep through the night I am going to begin night weaning. He really doesn't need to nurse at night and if I stick to my guns he'll eventually just pass out once I lay down with him. I think he's giving me the signal that all he really wants is to be comforted, not necessarily nursed, so I figured now is the perfect time to try night weaning. Plus now he's actually asking for water at night! That seems promising ^___^!

Of course this will be difficult since he's getting over yet another stupid cold. This one is particularly awful because his nose is all stuffed up and yet constantly running!? Okay so what's the plan? This is!:

Get Liam into his PJS and read a story (or 7). Talk to him about how he can nurse for bedtime but then "Ni" (as Liam calls it) will be going to bed also and that he can have "Ni" in the morning. Then hopefully Liam will be asleep soon after! David and I will continue taking turns comforting Liam back down to sleep when he wakes up and then return to bed. We expect this to be rough and know that Liam isn't going to be too jazzed about the whole "no ni" situation, but I think once he realizes that he can still nurse during the day, and that he is still getting all the cuddles and love he needs at night, things will start to turn around and he'll start sleeping longer on his own.

From what I've read, night weaning can really help kiddos at this age (around 21-22 months) get more sleep, not to mention allow parents to get the sleep they need also! Here's hoping next week goes well!

Liam lately

This photo was taken last week after I finished up painting his bedroom wall with this mountain backdrop. We hadn't gotten any real bedding for his new floor bed (which he's been sleeping in since last Thursday!) and I was just letting him explore the space and telling him how awesome it was that he had his own bed.

As much as Liam can, and does, drive me crazy…he is my favorite person in the whole world. I love watching him figure things out and find myself wondering what is going on in his head. He has never been the biggest talker but he definitely expresses himself. Lately his vocabulary has really started to grow. He still only says one word at a time, but what really impresses me is his ability to recognize all of the letters of the alphabet. He can say almost all the letters and if you ask him where a particular letter is, he points it out with almost any hesitation. I worry about his speech, but then again I worried about every major milestone until finally it happened (crawling, walking, eating solids)…still, i'm doing my best to focus on what he can do.

When I think about Liam, I think about him running through the house butt naked while David chases him around. I think about how he loves bubbles and would eat all of the clementines and bananas if he could. I think about how he honks my nose and giggles and how he tries to point out every letter from every sign he can find while we are driving around town.  I hear his little voice yell "HAM!" when he finds Green Eggs and Ham in his bedroom. And I love watching the biggest smile form on his face when Ponyo says "Sosuke" for the first time…every time, he can't help but smile, he loves that part. I love Liam, no matter what, and all I want is for him to be happy.

Big News!

Last week David and I sat down together, held hands, gazed into each others eyes with excitement because we decided we were finally ready to announce that we are going to have....another mattress in our house! A mattress for Liam. YAY! He's getting the boot out of our bed. (if you thought I was gonna announce we were pregnant, ha-ha-ha, but I promise you this is relevant material)

We have had no regrets with choosing to be a co-sleeping, bed sharing family unit. For a long time it felt good to be all cuddled up together, even with our chihuahua nestled under the covers by our feet. It felt right. I really do believe that it makes total sense for families to sleep in the same space. As adults don't we tend to find our way back to bed sharing with our loved ones? (girlfriends, boyfriends, best friends, dogs, cats, a good book?) It's comforting. It's natural. We want togetherness.

But that's the thing...as your family expands your bed gets, well, smaller! The more Liam grows the more our sleeping space shrinks. That adorable poop face takes up like 80% of the bed! That leaves David and I only 20% bed....which gives us 10% each!...Okay it gives me 15% and David like...maybe 5% space. Another issue is that David and I don't go to sleep at 7:30-8 p.m. like Liam does. When we do finally crawl into bed with him at 10:30-11p.m. there is a good chance we are going to wake him up. This means spending another 30 minutes just calming him back down (as I'm sure he is pissed he was woken up) and then spending the rest of the night playing freeze tag trying not to move to much or breathe too loud for fear we will wake the beast. The point is, we want our bed back.

The one trouble with co-sleeping (particularly bed sharing) is that when you've been doing it for a long period of time a regular dose of sleep training is rather hard to administer. Nearly 2 years of doing things one way makes it really hard to just say "and now for something completely different!" Believe me, we have tried everything to get Liam to comfortably sleep on his own...what we have found is that maybe we are going about this all wrong. Liam likes space. Liam likes the feel of our bed. What Liam needs is his own huge bed. So we bought him a mattress...a full mattress that will go in his room on his floor.

Will there still be a transition period? You bet! Will it be easier than all other tries? We think so. Why? Let me explain!

Liam still nurses occasionally during the night. Anywhere from 2-5 times...depending on what's happening in his stressful baby life. (sarcasm!) David and I take turns being the soothers. So say we hear Liam wake up from the safety of his own bed. One of us can get up and get into bed with him...and then when he goes back to sleep we can choose to go back to our bed, or just stay with him.

Benefits: He still gets the comforting he is used to. We still stay in bed. We still have the chance to cuddle with him. I can decide if I want to stay and nurse him if I'm feeling all "OMG my baby is getting so big! I only have moments left of this time together! *wehhhh*".

The best part is we don't have to give up being a co-sleeping family...we just get to decide when we co-sleep. It gives us all some much needed space. I am really excited about this and I look forward to sharing our experience with you all. Besides, in the co-sleeping world...we need all the support/help we can get ♥.