Time will pass anyway

Yesterday I had one of those days where I felt really accomplished. I got almost all of the much needed housework done, I was feeling pretty good about my life, and I felt like things were looking up and that maybe this was the day where my outlook on life would change forever. I could do anything, I would be happy no matter what, nothing could get me down.

But my mind doesn't stay that way for too long. I start to worry about what I'm doing. I start overthinking every detail of my life. I start becoming anxious about what I haven't done or what I'm doing wrong. I guess you could call me normal. I think for people like me, mainly type A control freaks, it becomes the norm to overthink instead of overlook. You turn 30 and you think you're just around the corner from 40. You get one thing right and next thing you know all you can see are the things you haven't gotten right. It's kind of exhausting.

I truly believe that living in the moment is hard to do while looking back on the past can seem effortless. I have to remind myself almost every day that these are the years, minutes, seconds that count. Being a stay at home momma can feel somewhat boring, but I know i'll look back on these years and see just how precious they really were. It's hard to see how much you are accomplishing when you don't get a raise, or get an employee of the month badge...or whatever it is. Ya know what I'm sayin'

I dunno...maybe it's just winter that's keeping me down. Maybe I need to see the flowers and trees come to life and feel the sun on my face. I don't like going out in the cold. I don't like it at all. But I want to like things better than I am liking them now, and I want to take this opportunity to reinvent myself. I want so many things, but most of all I want to be free of the worry that I will never accomplish anything. That I will feel old and alone and watch others surpass me with their creativity and fantastic outlooks on life.

I guess i just wanted to write this down and get it out of my head. Because maybe there are others out there that need to know that feeling this way isn't abnormal. I think it's really normal. I think that if others could say they felt the same way, then we'd all feel better. Instead of getting on the internet and seeing only the best of the best, we can find out that we are all feeling kinda bleh together and maybe, just maybe, that'll give us something to pull us through the icky days.

I don't want to give up on my dreams. I don't want to feel like my life means nothing. I want to find a way back to the Christine I knew very well, and this is just one step I'm taking in the hopes of getting there.

Love to you all ♥