how to get your baby to sleep longer

It seems we live in a time where we want to make everything as easy as possible. We need instant gratification and we are constantly googling how to get it. Believe me, I've been there. I'm looking for answers via the internet and it only gets me so far when it comes to parenting.

A few months ago, I believe it was back in February, I wrote a post about moving Liam into his own room with his own bed. Almost 3 months later and I have to say that it was the right choice made at the right time. Liam is finally sleeping 8 hours and even waking up on his own and walking to his door to give me the secret signal "i'm awake" by jiggling his bedroom door handle. Ok it's not a secret, he's just trying to escape and go downstairs to play with his choo-choo. That being said there are still nights where he wakes up at 2 a.m. and comes into our bed to sleep with us. I feel good about how things have unfolded. I think the message I have been giving Liam is that we are alway here for him, and just because he is sleeping in his own room, and even though that is really awesome and we are really proud of him being in his own space, he still knows that he is welcome to be with us anytime he needs.

So how did we get to this point? What's the big secret? There is no secret...what we've learned is you just have to follow your baby's lead. Be supportive and don't worry that you are taking a step in the right or wrong direction. Your baby will sleep longer, when they are ready, when their bodies are ready. That's just my opinion.

I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, "oh wow...great advice, Christine".

I know, I know. And I would be lying to you if I said this was an easy transition and that I didn't have my doubts and concerns. I most definitely did.

I don't believe there is a surefire"way" to get your baby to sleep longer without a lot of work and dedication, and sometimes heartbreak. Although many books, and people for that matter, will tell you that you need to "train" your child to sleep...I think the right word is guide. We guide our children through life. We support them and allow them to take chances, do something different, and know that we are there for them. It's also important to take cues from yourself. If you are feeling overwhelmed or know that you need space, that's okay too! That's what happened to me. I needed space! We tried several different sleeping solutions, all of which Liam stayed in our bed or in our room, and yet every time we tried to climb into bed, in our room, it felt something like this:

And like clockwork, between 11-12 a.m., Liam would wake up...and it seemed like he did this as soon as our heads hit the pillows. That sense of relaxation was rudely interrupted by our crying son. I started to wonder if Liam was waking up because we were the ones waking him up. Now who is being rude?! I think one of the reasons the crib in our room didn't work was because no matter what, if we made any noise, he heard us. Plus he never really ever slept in his crib...so rolling around and hitting the bars was a great way to wake him up...awesome.

So then the idea came about getting Liam a similar mattress to ours, obviously smaller, and placing it into his bedroom. Everything would feel similar and if we needed to join him, we could. Or if he needed to come back to our room, he could. The first few nights were shaky. He was still waking up around midnight and I started to doubt our genius plan. One of us would go in and check on him, usually David, and it felt like we were back to square one. Then something wonderful happened...

Liam woke up...and went back to sleep on his own! That started happening more and more until he didn't wake up at all! Then about 8 weeks later, I woke up to Liam fussing, took a look at the clock and noticed that it was 5 a.m. What!? Liam slept for 8 hours! I went in and scooped him up, brought him to our bed to nurse and sleep a little longer. This became our routine for the next week or so, until the next big change...not only was Liam sleeping 8 hrs, but he was waking up at 5 a.m., calmly getting out of bed, and going over to his bedroom door. I could hear that he was trying to open it, and so I met him at the door and wished him a good morning. He jumped up into my arms and it finally felt like we made it! This is what I've been waiting for! 

Like I said in the beginning, there have been a few nights where he still wakes up around 2 a.m. and that's ok. There are so many big changes happening, his vocabulary and communication is really accelerating, so I believe that has a lot to do with it.

So yea, there you go...what I've learned about trying to get baby to sleep is just to follow their lead. Sleep when they sleep, be there for them, and everything will be fine. I promise.

♥

Transitioning to sleeping alone || week 1

Last Thursday we got Liam's new bed all set up and talked about how awesome it was that he finally had his own big boy bed to sleep in. He jumped all over the mattress and pointed out all the pillows. He brought books over and we read. I tried to make sure we spent a good amount of time in his room so that Liam would understand that his bedroom is a fun, safe place for him to be in.

So how did this week go? Honestly, it felt very similar to him sleeping in our bed. The good news is that he spent every night in his bed, but the bad news is that so did we! There were nights that seemed better than others but as the week progressed it seemed like Liam's nighttime wakings became more and more frequent (not to mention closer together).  It also didn't help that as the nights went by, I could tell that Liam was beginning to get sick. Last night he had a fever and I never got a chance to change out of my clothes and into my pjs before joining him for the night...fun! I will say that apart from last night (which was crazy difficult), I've noticed that I am having more difficulty falling asleep without Liam next to me. I didn't really expect this reaction. I find myself just laying in bed, waiting to hear him cry for me...then I start having conversations with myself like,

"shhhh! your thoughts will wake him up and you don't want that, right? right. oh man...I wonder if he knows i'm thinking about him? no, that's crazy!....this is crazy, I should be asleep right now...*hears Liam start to cry*...crap! I knew he could hear my thoughts"

Yeah it's been weird, but not to worry because we have a new game plan for next week! We have decided that in order to help Liam sleep through the night I am going to begin night weaning. He really doesn't need to nurse at night and if I stick to my guns he'll eventually just pass out once I lay down with him. I think he's giving me the signal that all he really wants is to be comforted, not necessarily nursed, so I figured now is the perfect time to try night weaning. Plus now he's actually asking for water at night! That seems promising ^___^!

Of course this will be difficult since he's getting over yet another stupid cold. This one is particularly awful because his nose is all stuffed up and yet constantly running!? Okay so what's the plan? This is!:

Get Liam into his PJS and read a story (or 7). Talk to him about how he can nurse for bedtime but then "Ni" (as Liam calls it) will be going to bed also and that he can have "Ni" in the morning. Then hopefully Liam will be asleep soon after! David and I will continue taking turns comforting Liam back down to sleep when he wakes up and then return to bed. We expect this to be rough and know that Liam isn't going to be too jazzed about the whole "no ni" situation, but I think once he realizes that he can still nurse during the day, and that he is still getting all the cuddles and love he needs at night, things will start to turn around and he'll start sleeping longer on his own.

From what I've read, night weaning can really help kiddos at this age (around 21-22 months) get more sleep, not to mention allow parents to get the sleep they need also! Here's hoping next week goes well!

Parenthood: Living in the lack of luxury

This is me a few weeks ago and I am taking a selfie in my car. Why? Because I'm stuck. No, not because I'm safely buckled in while parked in my driveway…I'm stuck because my 18 month old son fell asleep in his carseat. You see, Liam (like most children his age from what I gather) likes to wait  until we get 2 minutes from home to fall asleep. As parents we know that Rule #1 is to never never never wake a sleeping baby. Nine times out of ten I definitely do not wake him up.

I feel like the phrase "what have I gotten myself into!?" runs through my mind at least once a day, if not 37 times a day. Somehow knowing that bringing a small human into the world would give rise to obvious work and care taking…but somewhere along this path to parenthood I failed to realize just how little I would be taking care of myself.

You see me in this photo? You see the bags under my eyes? You see me clutching my coffee mug? You see the dry shampoo!? No..that would be difficult to see. Anyway, it's bad. At least I have makeup on! You see, I've come the the conclusion that being a stay at home mother allows you to view the little things in life as luxuries. You know what I'm sayin', stay at home parents! It's the little things that really make your day special…and by little things, I mean normal everyday activities that suddenly you have no time for. After all, didn't we learn early on sacrifices need to be made? We simply cannot do it all.

So here are my top 5 Luxuries I'd like to share with you today. Please understand that this is my personal list and I am not saying that every SAHM feels or does things the same way as I do. But I'm quite sure that on some level you will relate to what I'm saying.

1. SHOWERS: Oh my goodness let me tell you…I do not shower as often as you'd like to think I do. When I take a shower I'm like "oh man…alone time…while getting clean..BONUS!" It has gotten better though. I remember a time when I'd take a shower and find myself questioning just when was the last time I took a shower?! It was madness, and can still be for sure, but it makes the shower feel like a sacred place of prayer. Please…let me get through (X amount of time) before I have the opportunity to take another blessed shower.
2. BRUSHING YOUR TEETH: Oh I'm sorry…are you grossed out yet? HA-HA well guess what?…I don't have time to brush my teeth when it's either brush my teeth or make & drink coffee. Coffee breath isn't that bad, right? Oh who am I kidding…I'm too tired and stinky to know if I'm making sense. Oh and P.S….I guarantee you'd rather be talking to my stinky self instead of my tired and cranky self. I'MJUSTSAYIN'
3. COSMETICS AND PRETTINESS: Putting on make up is like a marked holiday on the calendar…you are like "oh today is that day!? awesome!" but then the celebration is over and next thing you know it's 11:15 p.m. and now you're all "ooohh man…now I need to wash this stuff off but I'm so tiiiiiirrreddddd (from staying up way too late watching New Girl)". It was nice when I had the time to make myself presentable to the world…it was so nice.
4. GETTING DRESSED: At almost 2 years after the birth of Liam I am finally starting to get a grip on this whole "putting on an outfit" ritual I used to know how to do so very well. (ok not that well). Now it's like…."Oh I'll put on real pants and a shirt…wait…can I breastfeed in this shirt? (are my boobs easily accessible…weird thing to think and not at all in the sexy way) yes? no? crap…better put on this v-neck and or tank top!" So yeah…tank top and jeans / stretchy pants…wow wee I'm a fashionista. Not. *cries*
5. SLEEPING (BONUS IF IT'S ALONE): I think it's no great mystery that the thing you lose the fastest (2nd being your dignity) is sleep. In fact, David came over while I was typing this section and said, "I remember when sleeping in meant sleeping past 7:30 a.m.".  It's true, sleep really becomes something one can only dream about doing…except you can't dream, because you're never really asleep. I know there are some of you who have the amazing child that sleeps 9 hours at 3 months and it never really got "bad". (oh I'm sure they make up for this in some other category and P.S., I'm not trying to sound snarky, I genuinely envy you and wish you all of the high fives and ♥) But for most of us, this part of parenthood is a struggle.   **Although I will say that last night Liam slept from 9:30p.m.-5:00a.m. and it was amazing!! It was like Field of Dreams…if you build it, they will come! Except all I did was write (and hope) and for some reason he slept…I have no idea why.

The thing is, you just gotta go with it. Parenthood is a journey you really can't control, you can't "do it all" and the truth is, being a parent really has opened my eyes to just how wonderful the little things are.   When you don't have time to do all of the things you took for granted before, you feel totally awesome when you can successfully accomplish three of the listed items above. 

And maybe Liam sleeping for 8 hours last night was a friendly reminder that this too shall pass. Nothing stays the same. Even if you want to pull your hair out because your babe will only sleep stacked on top of you…one day he won't be so small, and you'll have all the time in the world to dream about the wonderful (sometimes restless) times you shared.

What are some of your parenthood luxuries? Happy Wednesday! 

Let's talk about letting our babies cry

The other day I let my 18 month old scream and cry (safely strapped into his baby chair) while I took a shower...he had books, he had his choo-choo train, he had his sesame street cell phone, all of which he really couldn't care less about having at the time. He was just pissed to be in that dumb, now slightly too small, chair. Meanwhile I just ignored it...I washed my hair making sure to peek out just to make sure he wasn't strangling himself or something awful and over dramatic like that. I did not rush, I did not worry...I knew he was perfectly fine. For me, letting him scream and holler was fine in this particular situation. He is getting to the age where tantrums are gonna happen and I have to learn that he's gonna get super pissy and that's all there is to it. If I could I would have let him stay in the living room to play, but lately he's been climbing on top of the coffee table and...no, just no. Anyway, as soon as I got out he stopped crying. As soon as I un-buckled him from his chair of doom he started babbling to me about his choo-choo (that I can only assume he forgot about  totally tossing across the bathroom during his breakdown). He was fine, and he walked off as if nothing had happened.

From the moment they are born babies know how to cry. I remember thinking about 5 days into parenting, "why don't they laugh instead of cry?? Why does it have to be crying?!"...I guess it would be really creepy if every time my son was upset he just laughed about it. Yeah, crying makes sense. Our parental instinct tells us that a crying baby is a baby in distress and that means that baby needs help. This can be a very stressful time and as much as you might have read about how to be the best most excellent parent in the world, not to mention with the happiest most almost never cryiest baby ever, the truth is...books weren't written about your baby. You get the awesome task of figuring it out on your own, and it's not easy, and a lot of things you thought would work just don't. Many books, and other parents (with the best intentions) for that matter, really try their best to explain the best ways to deal with these stress filled cry fests that happen about every 20 minutes. A dirty diaper, hunger, gas, sleepy but won't sleep, or just plain pissed off because they aren't in the womb anymore can all be viable reasons for baby fussy pants syndrome. The fact is, crying is how they communicate.  But how should we respond to what they are trying to tell us?

Personally I don't fully agree with the CIO method.  I am more on the side of an attachment parent and I believe that when you hear the cry of "I need you, Mommy"...you answer their cry.  That being said, I also believe that their personal cry changes as they grow from teeny babies to toddlers.  I can tell the difference between Liam's "help, I need you!" cry and his "boo- I'm grumpy pants"cry he usually makes when he can no longer stack his blocks.  When Liam bumps his head, I don't immediately swoop him up.  When he doesn't get the toy he wants, I don't try to reason with him, I just explain that we aren't playing with it right now and move on.  Our method for parenting Liam is constantly evolving to fit his needs and what he can handle.  I think Liam is an incredibly resilient child and is able to cope with many undesirable situations. I also know he is fully capable of having a complete meltdown when the moment calls for one.  Let me be clear when I say I don't think there is anything wrong with the way people decide to parent their children.  Like I said, we as parents are able to decipher the differences in their cries and know when they really need us, and when they just want whatever it is they want.  There are days and nights where I am very hands off, I want Liam to experience what is happening, but I also want him to know that I am there and he is not alone.

Do I think I scarred him for letting him scream in the bathroom? No.  Does that mean I would let him scream and cry from his crib for 1 hour in hopes he will eventually just give up and go to bed? No. (Although we have officially started our serious sleep training which I will talk about in another post!) Does this mean I think you should do what I am doing? Absolutely not. I have my own boundaries, and I have given Liam boundaries.  I know Liam trusts me and I know he understands that I will be there for him.  It's okay for me to say no.  I don't do these things to be mean.  Everything I do for him is because I love him.  I think the best thing I can do for my son is go with my gut instincts. It won't be the easiest path but it will feel right.

Motherhood and me

I was always the girl who didn't care for babies.  I didn't care about having babies or holding babies or swooning over babies.  Babies are fine...just don't bring them out past 8 p.m.  I just didn't get it.  I didn't really care...at all.   It wasn't until meeting my friend Megan and her sweet 3 year old son Caleb that my ideas of motherhood and having a baby changed.  I mean, I always knew I wanted to have a child one day, but that just wasn't a priority.  It never dawned on me that maybe my feelings on the subject had more to do with my lack of knowledge.  I really didn't have much "on site training" except for hanging out with my baby sister when I was 10.  But I never remember seeing my mother breastfeeding her, or really being around for the basic care.  I don't remember her being put down for naps, or explosive poops...that's probably because I was at school.

Becoming a mother, and understanding/just loving babies now in general, is very similar to my experience getting Panda, the love of my life, chihuahua.  I grew up with dobermans.  I understood big dogs, I liked big dogs, big dogs were the only kind of dogs in my book.  Little dogs were yappy, aggressive and annoying.  Who would want a little dog!?  What's the point?  Well after graduating from college and moving out of my parents house I couldn't wait to get my own dog.  Finally!  Then it dawned on me that I couldn't have a doberman in an apartment because they were considered an "aggressive breed"...such B.S.  So I started looking at little dogs and once I learned there was such a thing as a "long haired chihuahua" I pretty much lost it and had to have one.  Now enters Panda and my life has forever changed. I love that dog SO much...he has saved me in so many ways.  I get it...why have a small dog?  Because they are ADORABLE and they can lay on top of you without crushing you, and they really really really like to cuddle...plus, he is insanely protective and even though its embarrassing I kinda really like it.  Now when I see a small dog walking towards me and he starts to bark, I don't roll my eyes.  I just say "hey listen...I get you, dawg"...except without the "dawg" part.  I understand the small dog now.  I am seeing the world differently.

So getting back to pushing a human out of my body and becoming a mother.  I was overwhelmed, I was under educated, but this was my life now and I just had to jump in and learn. So I did, and now I'm seeing the world differently. When a baby cries in public I don't roll my eyes.  I just say "hey listen...I get you, dawg"  And I really do.  When I see a mother breastfeeding in public, I smile politely to let her know that she's not alone. When a toddler is having a meltdown in the check out line at target I try to think happy thoughts because one day that will be me.  I can  now look at someone who is rolling their eyes at me and think "that's ok....you just don't get it"....and maybe one day maybe they will. ♥

a look back at August

I can't believe August is over!  We've been having some beautiful weather here in Madison so the summer has been pretty amazing so far. I wish I could say September started off on a good note, but as I am typing this I am also taking care of a sick baby. Liam hasn't been feeling well this week, but I think he's feeling better because he is growling at the dinosaur on sesame street haha. I guess some highlights from August include purchasing a new car, getting my hair cut, and Liam turning 16 months! Here are some photos!

Starting off with neighborhood walks and coffee isn't so bad!

I really love looking back at these photos. I think a lot of times we forget all the things we accomplish. All of the things we actually do every day. All of the memories that we make without knowing it. I really loved digging up potatos with our friends. I love how much Liam loves walking around and exploring..and he's not shy to grab the hand of someone he loves. I am so grateful for the friends we have made, the people who love Liam so much. We love you! I also think it's funny how often I take pictures of Liam sleeping...honestly it's probably because I need the reminder that he does in fact sleep! And of course, the love I share with David. The other day he told me how he loves that I am his best friend and it was one of the best feelings in the world hearing him say that to me. It's a good feeling to reflect and see all of the positive when it's so easy to focus on only the negative. I hope you look back and find your positive! ♥  Until next time!

Liam Likes / V.1

It's pretty amazing.  As Liam gets older his personality just grows and grows.  I know it sounds like something you would think about and go "yeah duh...people develop personalities" but with every new personality trait comes a little bit of a wow factor.  It's a new discovery for us both.  At least I can honestly say that I'm proud of his personality so far.  As we are entering into a new stage of babyhood he is quick to let you know what he likes and what he doesn't like.  That got me thinking that it would be fun to document just that.  So here we go.  Volume 1: Liam likes:

• -Liam likes blueberries.  I mean...really likes them.  So much that after a day of eating his favorite snack du' jour his bottom is literally dyed blue.  I won't post a picture (you're welcome, future Liam)
• -Liam likes finding sticks and carrying them around...everywhere
• -Liam likes looking under the couch for cats.
• -Liam likes "snorting" along with Peppa during the intro to Peppa Pig
• -Liam likes wiggling back and forth when eating watermelon (his other favorite food)
• -Liam really likes walking around whenever and wherever he can.

What are your kids favorite things to do?

Liam's custom cardboard book by pinhole press

When I was still pregnant with Liam I stumbled upon an adorable custom made cardboard book (probably on someones blog!) and thought it was such a great idea!  How fun!  Well it took me over a year to get it done but when I finally decided to make one I couldn't wait to get it in the mail!  It came yesterday and it is so cute.  Since Liam is really starting to pick up interest in speaking, not to mention he is finally interested in books, it seemed like the perfect time to make a book that helps put all those names to faces.

I wanted to keep it simple so I just made it "immediate family" (meaning: me, david & the fur babies).  But since there were a few pages left over, I used photos of Liam doing things that Liam likes to do.  Pretending to talk on the phone.  Pretending to drive the car.  And yes, I admit that the last photo of him sleeping is more like one of my favorite things that he does. ;)  So here's a little preview of what the rest of the book looks like (this isn't all of the pages fyi)

So there you have it! Want to make your own?  Just go to this website and get started on your very own book of names & faces! For $29.99 I think it was totally worth it.  And it came super fast in the mail!  I hope you guys are having a great week and have a wonderful weekend!

Liam in his room

Last week I talked about the "imperfect parent" along with a photo of Liam crying.  Here are the photos that happened before his breakdown.  So yeah, there is always the good to go along with the bad. :)  Enjoy!

the imperfect parent

It seems like everywhere you look there are parenting and lifestyle blogs filled with happy children, lovely outings, and adorable outfits.  Everything seems so perfect. Even though your Facebook friends might post sarcastic statuses explaining the silliness of how their homes resemble a construction zone, or how sleep isn't a necessity when you have a toddler, overall life seems pretty good.  We live in a time where it's easy to edit the appearance of our own lives in order to make them seem flawless.  And I am guilty of this as well! If you looked on my Facebook all you'd see are cheerful pictures of David and I, adorable fuzzy pets all curled up on the couch or sleeping in the sinks, and of course countless images of Liam all smiley and happy all day long.  What you don't see is late night bickering over who is going to help Liam get back to sleep, the bright yellow vomit (on my bright white rug) that my cat left for me to clean up because she decided to eat all of the flowers I picked from the garden, or Liam looking like he does in the photo above.

Life is not perfect.  And our life is not perfect.  During a normal day when 10 things are going wrong and I can't remember the last time I took a shower, there might be that one good moment where everything is going right and I take a picture...then I post it and voila! It looks like I've been having the best day ever.

The truth is most of the time I don't feel like the perfect parent and I don't have the perfect life.  The truth is, the photo above is closer to real life.  I was actually trying to get a nice picture of us, but Liam said enough is enough and began to cry.  Nothing I could say or do would make him smile for the camera...he was just done.  I wish we talked more about the downs of being a parent, not just the ups.  I  wish we found comfort in the fact that maybe we really don't know what we are doing, and that's ok!

I want to say that I spend all day singing songs, and taking him to the park, buying adorable hand made outfits on etsy, and preparing the most delicious meals made with the best organic foods Madison has to offer.  But what I will say is Liam watches TV and sometimes he's in his pajamas until 1 p.m.  Sometimes we sit down to eat lunch together, and sometimes I'm doing my best to come up with something other than cheddar bunnies for lunch because, the truth is,  I simply cannot convince myself that there is enough nutrition in those cute little bunny shaped crackers.  The truth is I find myself standing in the kitchen still wearing my glasses and drinking coffee that went cold 7 hours ago instead of being a perfect productive mommy that does laundry and empties the dishwasher because I'm tired....because honestly...Liam is not sleeping through the night, and the internet is full of LIES.

And the truth is...I'm a great mom.  I love my son with all of my heart.  I'm not perfect and life isn't perfect.  We just do our best, and that's all we really can do.  So give yourselves a break, imperfect parents.  You're awesome.  You're doing it! I'm proud of you.

Weekend Adventures V.1

I can already tell you that posting pictures while keeping my desktop organized will be quite the task for me.  I'm not sure how other bloggers do it!  I guess I'll need to start practicing keeping things in order and backing up frequently.  The majority of the pictures I'll be posting on the blog are from my phone.  I actually really dislike taking pictures on my digital camera because I feel no connection, and things are just easier with my phone.  If I'm going to take pictures with an actual camera it would always be film.  This particular weekend we had a lot of fun with our good friends.  We went out for sushi, went to the pool and park, and just spent a lot of time out and about in general.  Here are a few highlights from the past few days.  Enjoy!

What did you do for the weekend?

^^^ this is Liam's new "face" ^^^

5 years married

Yesterday David and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary.  Here's a look back on the day I married the most amazing man I will ever know.  5 years down, the rest of our lives to go!

photography by Heather Z